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5 Minutes Management Training
By Felix | March 16, 2008
I thot maybe we start the week on a light note, so I want to share a few tips on management training I learnt from a colleague’s blog over the weekend.
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. Then she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband ask, ‘Who was that?”It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies. ‘Great, ‘the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak. ‘Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish. ”Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. ‘Puff! He’s gone .’OK, you’re up, ‘the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not. ‘So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy. ”Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings? ‘replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients. ‘The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep sh*t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
(4) Not everyone love to see you happy.
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Peace N A fist!
Topics: fun and jokes |
March 16th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I like your writing style. Looking forward to reading more from you.
- Sue.
March 17th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Felix Felix Felix..(as i shake my head).. lol u are something u know..nice write up here and valuable lessons one should know. love your sence of humor .. ty for the smile, and food for thought.. wink.. hagn sweet man may God continue to bless you in all you do.. xxxx
March 17th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Me Bros,
Nice write ups… I just want 2 say keep it up. I just like them. Anyways, ur bru miss ya wella. Kudos!
March 17th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Its a really nice one. Made me laugh.
Like the light mood of your lesson.
March 17th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Nice concept!!its amazing how u come up with sweet concepts such as this!!jst kip up d good work n KIP WAVING DIS VERY WHITE FLAG…
P.N.F
U KNW HOW WE DO!!
March 19th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
quite funny but thought provoking.nice post.
March 20th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Very interesting, learned a lot from this thread!!!! Keep it coming.
March 21st, 2008 at 10:50 am
Golden Words of Hitler:
When u r in light, everything will follow u. But when u enter dark, even your own shadow
will not follow u
that is life
God made relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends
Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines.
Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re getting.
People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do.
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
You can’t have everything - where would you put it?
Laugh and the world ignore you. Crying doesn’t help either.
God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him.
Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting.
Never trust a person who isn’t having at least one crisis.
Goodness is the only investment that never fails.
The only thing lazy people do fast is get tired.
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
Silence is the only thing that can’t be misquoted!
If we don’t control our money, it will control us.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich..
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
If you r living on the edge, make sure you’re wearing your seat belt.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
Learn from other people’s mistakes, life isn’t long enough to make them all yourself.
On the road, never argue with a vehicle heavier than yours.
One thing you can give and still keep is your word.
Life is funny if you don’t think about it.
Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
More doors are open with “please” than keys.
March 29th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Wao…Felix… You got me laughing out loud when i read the lessons…Well, the morals are thought provoking. I’ve learnt
not to withold qualitative information and source for quantitative information, Keep up the good work.
June 1st, 2008 at 2:31 am
this is full of lessons
i have learnt many lessons from this article but the one i have to realy make use of is to no how to keep my mouth shut